Friday, September 29, 2006

hey i'm back from k clan dinner.
only a pathetic 10 turned up.
and 8 for the sentosa outing earlier on.
haha!

met up with dawn who told me sj's comical moments.
hahahha.
it's uber corny till i was laughing out loud while walking home alone just now.
cute lah he.
lol.

anyway, it was steamboat at bugis! (again x2)
spent 2 whole hours there.
it was a blast despite the few turn ups.
hahaha.
you really gotta be there to understand what i'm rumbling bout and how enjoyable it was.
everyone laughed their heads off.
FUN(:

time really has wings.
it flies!
arghhh.
recess break is bout to end already!
and all the shitty duties and tests are coming my way.
wish i could just run away from those but oh wells.

heard what vince wanted to say just now.
and honestly. i've no idea how to help the 2 of them.
or rather, the 3 of them.
its like you know stuff on 3 different sides but you cant utter a single word about it to the rest.
lending a listening ear is the least i could possibly do.
they're all stuck.
and i'm stuck here with them too, not knowing how to help make things less complex.

someone seriously pissed me off this afternoon.
he called and said "wah you've such a sad life" about 5 freaking times.
i know i've a fucking sad life lah.
you don't have to repeat 5 god damn times.
anyway, i don't think i've one.
you're the one who's making my life miserable for unknown reasons.

pardon my language.
hahaha.

gotta study some french now.
au revoir.
bonne nuit :)

take me with you
11:25 PM

Thursday, September 28, 2006

yay what a lovely day it is today (:
met up with jess, bao, socks, bamboo, cqr, kc, justin and paulus for steamboat earlier on.
it felt so great meeting up with old friends.
its been like 3 years since we graduated from ccs but kc hasn't changed at all!
haha.
i certainly miss the liberal sec school days.

it was funny when anthony called just now to rant about his boss.
hahahha.
can you imagine?
your ex-boss grumbling bout his current boss?!
lol.
he's certainly been a great help in helping me with my c++ programming recently.

ok lah i'll quit my whinings now.
holidays are ending already.
sighsighsigh.

screw the midterms lah.

take me with you
11:32 PM

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

i served those!

i think i'm so nice okay.

hahaha.

the mess made by yours truly.

thank you

(;

take me with you
2:09 AM

Sunday, September 24, 2006

i should be in bed now but nevermind.
i just feel like blogging.
i'm finally going home for a week which is like woah because i'm super home and east sick.
recess week has started but it's only for one week.
and i've all the shitty midterm tests starting the week after next which is a complete turn off.

so anyway, night cycling last night with hall 8 was fun!
we cycled all the way from ntu to east coast.
it reminded me of night cycling with leonard and gang the previous time.
haha.
this time my butt albeit still hurt, it wasn't as bad as back then.
and it was so cool cycling with so many people on the road!
reached hall at about 10am, knocked out till 3pm plus and headed to work at swiss club.
yes, it's canvassing!

the place was in total chaos.
practically everyone was so high.
maybe because almost all of the customers were angmohs who are freaking rich.
they spent money on alcohols as though they were free.
after 8pm when most had a few mugs of beer and whatnots, the crowd got freaking high.
nevermind that the band were playing about 5 songs repeatedly all the way till 12 plus am.
i doubt that they even noticed!
all of them were standing on the chairs and tables dancing.
imagine that ok.
some totally lost control and just fell from the tables or chairs, knocking down glasses and spilling drinks which were frigging costly.
a few even wanted to destroy the chairs and tables by continuous stomping.
and because they were so out of their minds due to the alcohol, i seriously didnt know what they were trying to do.
they are friendly but... the moment they're high, their "touches" are...
ok nevermind i don't wish to elaborate further.
jeff was taking care of me the entire night.
a few others were nice too.
without jeff i would be seriously lost.
oh yes he said i don't even look like 18!
muhahaha.
i'm young so yay.

so now i'm back in hall and i'm so tired i wanna sleep now.
tomorrow would be a special day.
(:

nights world <3

good luck for your test (=
i'm not the best.
but i can be better.
i promise.

take me with you
2:12 AM

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

netball and badminton trials this evening. haha netball was fun apart from the sprained finger again.

got this from lx's blog.

"no matter how much we change, the truth remains, our history remains. Perhaps history is the only thing that never changes forever"

"Everyone can be independent and strong, but who doesn't hope for someone to look back to and rely on?"

totally true.

what i saw simply took my breath away.
it was really really sweet.
and most importantly, it was you who did it.
thanks for everything (=
it'll be with me wherever i go.
so do you know how much?
alot (:

take me with you
11:33 PM

school's a nightmare.
no joke bout it man.
/roar.

dinners with duck clan yesterday and k clan today were boisterous.
haha.
hall 8 rocks lah.

heard a funny comment about us from someone.
/smiles.

i've never expect this to happen.
there's so much i wanna say.
there's so much i wanna do.
but i dont know whats holding me back.
fear perhaps.
afraid that this would be a short-lived dream.
nonetheless, this feeling's sweet.
it means more than you'll ever know.

am looking forward to tomorrow(=

take me with you
12:12 AM

Saturday, September 16, 2006

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And shown me how to love unselfishly
I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn't love you more

I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
'Cause all I need is you, my Valentine
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

take me with you
8:01 PM

behind the laughter, i know deep down you're upset. i'm aware of the pain i've inflicted in u. i know currently it's pointless bombarding you with consolation. it wouldn't help alleviate the pain. all i wanna say is, thanks for everything you've done for me. i do appreciate them. and your actions did touch me. you're a really nice and sweet guy. but sadly, it's not right to accept you because of that. none of us would be happy. i'm sure you know that. i really hope you'll meet someone who's worth all your time and effort. our paths crossed, but we're not meant to be. sorry.

take me with you
2:18 AM

it's been a loaded day (not literally).
he called.
after hearing what he'd wanted to say, all i can say is i'm totally dumbfounded.
so, it wasn't wishful thinking on my part all along (:
sweet.
hehehe.

the reason why you haven't heard from me is because i don't wanna hear from you! (i'm not referring to you gabe. HAHA)
so quit bugging me about why you haven't heard from me.
isn't it already explicit?!
dammit.

SWENSENS MOONCAKE ICE CREAM
$21.90 PER BOX
INTERESTED PARTIES PLEASE CONTACT ME.
MERCI.

take me with you
12:10 AM

Friday, September 15, 2006

sigh
life in hall sucks sometimes.
i have no idea how the new hall system is like now.
initially, due to the distance from my home to school, i was pretty sure getting a room wouldn't be much of a problem next year.
but kelvin keeps telling us to 'stay active' in hall.
it then prompts me, being the president of jcrc, was he afraid that nobody would be involved in hall activities?
anyway, now i'm in 1 main com, 3 subcoms and 2 inter-hall sports.
apart from the responsibilities and duties assigned, what made things worst is the canvassing part.
you see, being the gl for next year's orientation, i've to pay $150.
being in the main com for dnd, i've to pay $250.
and the fucked up thing is, i've to find 4 subcoms each paying 100.
it's like, we're being exploited to pay whether you're in the sub or main com.
so in order to clear these 'debts', we've to do part-time jobs where the money earned would go to clearing the 'debts'
it's totally outrageous and inane.
term tests are in bout 3weeks' time.
sigh.
it's all bloody screwed lah.
or rather, i'm the freaking screwed one.

who pissed me of further was shengjie.
perhaps it was me, having expectations from him right from the beginning.
sigh.
i've read/heard(i don't remember) somewhere that anger is usually the cause of having expectations that aren't met.
so i guess i'm at fault.
and i didn't know iris is such a sweet girl (:

someone has been leaving things outside my room.
yes i've to admit that its a really sweet gesture.
but i don't know if it's making this better or worst.
i'm aware of the effort put in.
and am appreciative of these moves.
i really am.
but things like that are always full of complications.
if there are expectations that come along with such actions, then i think it's going beyond the limits.

back in meridian, you know that the teachers are behind you all the way, willing to work together with you.
here in ntu, you're left forlorn to withstand all pressure and workload that's piling up in haste solely.
and as usual, it makes me nostalgic and emo all over again.
believe it or not, i was home sick earlier this week.
all these upheavals and uncalled-for situations seem to be pushing me into a confined space.
how am i going to survive...

things that you'll never understand.
by the time you do, it would have been too late.

take me with you
9:16 AM

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

met lixiang at jurong point just now.
yes like finally i was outta school!
and because i didnt bring along any bags, i put my wallet in my file.
went to a 3hours lecture cum tutorial just now.
didn't realise my wallet wasn't in my file until i reached hall.
called jp subway and thankfully my wallet was still with them
that's how absent minded i can get.

god bless me.

ok gotta go for some annual general meeting which i think is a waste of time.

bye!

take me with you
7:50 PM

feel so "trapped" in school.
its like, you don't even step out of school maybe only to jurong point which is also hardly for me because everywhere else seems so far away.
boo.

nothing interesting is happening in hall leh.
oh yes!
wei qi from mi lu ping (the superband winner) is staying in hall 8!
was stunned when he walked pass me.
lol.

perhaps it's all wishful thinking on my part.
time to wake up.

take me with you
9:22 AM

Sunday, September 10, 2006

i guess my body can no longer withstand the tremendous amount of stress i'm current facing.

greattttt.

but that doesn't diminish the amount of studying i've yet to complete.

SIGH.

i seriously don't deserve the attention and solicitude.

it just stops here.
the distance is always there.
and it just stops here.
like it's never meant to be.

take me with you
4:42 PM

Saturday, September 09, 2006

a lovely song.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one
.You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

take me with you
11:41 PM

got this from my discrete maths textbook :

Hofstadter(a mathematician) points out that when you start a mathematical argument with if, let or suppose, you are stepping into a fantasy world where not only are all the facts of the real world true but whatever you are supposing is also true. once you are in that world, you can suppose something else. that sends you into a subfantasy world where not only is everything in the fantasy world true but also the new thing you are supposing. of course you can continue stepping into new subfantasy worlds in this way indefinitely.

gasp.

so maths isn't only about calculations.
i'm seriously going bonkers.

had 2 hours of "tuition" on c++ this afternoon with anthony.
haha.
rollerbladed after that!
and retail therapy thereafter.
those cleared my mind for some time.

back to sets. and more sets.
save me.

take me with you
10:01 PM

super stressed.
gonna burst anytime.
really worn out.

i was young but i wasn't naive
i watched helplessly
as you turned around to leave
and still i had the pain i had to carry
a past so deep
that even you could not bury if you tried

after all this time
i never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
i missed you so.
but i couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that i needed you more than you'd ever know
and part of me died when i let you go

i would fall asleep only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like it was before
but nights like this
it seems, are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality comes crashing to the floor.

age has been the excuse all this while.
perhaps it's something that neither of us would want to admit.
its not the age.
its just you.

so i've been in self-denial all along.
i thought he cared.
but he doesn't.

take me with you
12:04 AM

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

i'm sorry at how things have turned out between us.
i guess it was never meant to be right from the start.
had i been more decisive and firm initially, you wouldn't have to go through all this now.
we've very different perspectives, views, goals and beliefs.
after all that i've been through, the way i see things now is entirely different from you.
i guess i should have realised this right from the start.
knowing that things wouldn't work out, i insisted.
believing i could, we could, work things out together.
i knew what i'd believed in was wrong after some time but i remained incredulous.
maybe because i was dealing with things emotionally rather than practically.
it has become more explicit now.
admittedly, i still don't know what i want.
afterall, we don't always get the things we desire.
but what i'm certain is, you can never give me the essential things that i need.
it's too much for someone your age.
and i wouldn't wanna put you in such a difficult situation now.
we're living in different worlds.
in fact, we have been right from the very start.
it's rather apparent and i'm sure you're aware of it.
perhaps its better this way.
instead of holding on to something so different, so far away, release it.
as i've said before, a part of me will always be with you.
you're speacial still.
but sadly, we're not destined.

happy birthday.

take me with you
11:42 PM

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

this profs shocked me with an email saying that he didnt receive my quiz paper.
the funny thing is, my paper's already graded.
haha.
apparently he mistook me for someone else.
blah.

so hall 8 pageant has finally ended.
mixed feelings i would say.
glad that all the trainings have finally wrapped-up.
but there's this tinge of sadness.
or rather, feeling nostalgic.
after all, we've been through many things together.
and though it was a competition towards the end, achieving the title was the last thing on everyone's mind.
instead, most outings(such as going for catwalk trainings, clothes fitting) were filled with laughter and consolation.
and we don't just meet up only when we'd to.
midnight joggings, pageant dinners, midnight studies.
now that everything has ended, i feel so lost.
anyhow, congrats to vincent and shuying!
wonder when they're treating us.
hahaha.

yesterday was way weird.
because after 3weeks or so, i'm suddenly free.
so after pageant and clan dinner, we headed to vincent's room.
for some talkings.

rumours are spreading like wildfire in hall 8.
it's inevitable.
but what leonard said is true.
so long as it isn't true and that your conscience is clear, we shouldn't allow such things bother us.

so stressed up with schoolwork.
sigh.

i'm feeling disorientated.
haha.
at the way things are heading, it seems hopeless.
i don't deny that i'm a tad swayed because of certain things.
i don't know why i'm feeling this way.
ok maybe i do for one matter.
but definitely not for the other.
yeah i know i sound ambiguous.
maybe because i'm complicated.
no not maybe.
i am. period.
but this really isn't the outcome i've anticipated.
tell me what to do.

you'll never know it's you.
neither do i expect it to be you.
but some things just arent meant to be revealed.
just hope that this bugging feeling would soon go away.
please.
its killing me softly.

vous ne saurez jamais

take me with you
10:46 PM

Friday, September 01, 2006

vincent looks damn gross can.

haha.

this was taken during hall camp.

i miss orientation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-D5mNjrOPQ

go here.

hall 8's spastic pageant guys.

LOL

take me with you
5:36 PM

life has been so hectic recently and my legs are aching cuz of the catwalks and dance.
zzz.
anyway, lessons starting at 130 and that gives me some time to rot.
ahh gotta study lah.
so stressed.
had a calculus quiz on tueday.
sigh.
french test next week.
double sigh.
pageant this sat.
omg.

oh yay i just did our laundry!
apparently i've been having this kind of weird interest recently.
that's mopping the floor and doing the laundry.
so much so that my ambition of becoming a tai tai has downgraded to a maid (according to sheng jie)
was walking out of the tutorial room after french just now and saw shengjie stoning in another room.
and he just walked out of the room when he saw me without telling the teacher!
-.-

i'm really awed at how fast things are spread around in hall.
so scary.

i really hope this wouldnt cause any changes in the friendships created.

sigh.
i don't really like how i'm feeling now.
everything's in a mess, though not apparent via the naked eye.
someone shot me please.

take me with you
12:46 AM